I recently came to your site and read about the Kenyan woman who was killed by her ex boyfriend in Köln and my first thought was, that could have been me. You see, my boyfriend on that same night, Mwajuma was killed had hit my head against the wall and I even had to call the police.
Let me explain how it all started.
I met this guy in London, he told me he was Kenyan and lived in Germany as well. We exchanged numbers and promised to get in touch when we got back to Germany. According to him, he didn’t know many Kenyans in Germany and considering I had lived here longer, I thought I could connect him with a few people I know.
When I got back to Germany, he got in touch. We met a couple of time with friends. To me it was a platonic relationship but he was meeting my girlfriends asking for tips to make me go out with him. I wasn’t interested. I have three children and was at the time focusing all my energy to help my oldest who was to move to the UK. I barely had time to socialise let alone start a new relationship.
He kept coming around and by the time my daughter had moved, he convinced me to give him a chance, which I did. He lived in the barracks because he worked for the British army but on weekends he’d come over and visit, we were both in different States.
After a while I noticed, there was always a lady who would send him lovey dovey texts using a Kenyan number. I asked him about it, to which he feigned ignorance. Every time I asked about the lady, he would tell me that it was a lady he’d met in Kenya who was “running” after him. Anytime, he received a text from her in my presence, he would pretend to be angry asking how he would convince her that he wasn’t interested in her.
I secretly saved the number and called the lady but couldn’t get much information from her, but from the conversation I gathered she wasn’t a stranger to him, nor was she just running after an uninterested man.
Mid October he called me and asked if he could come over during the last week of October and stay at my place for a week as he wanted to send some documents to his mother in Kenya. I let him come over.
My gut was sure he wasn’t sending any documents to his mother. When he went out for a walk, I opened the envelope to check the contents. A letter to the Embassy explaining that he wanted to invite his wife named XYZ to Germany. I couldn’t believe it. I was sure the girl that was texting him was his wife.
When he came back, I asked him about the contents of his envelope and instead of answering to the question about the envelope. He began making a fuss saying that I had kissed four men, apparently he had read about it on my Facebook. I explained that those weren’t real kiss but just pecks and that that was even before I had met him but he wasn’t having any of that. He slapped me and threw my phone against the wall.
When I sought counsel from my friends, they all told me to kick him out but that was already 11pm in the night. I didn’t want to be heartless. The man wasn’t from this area so he didn’t know anyone and there was no bus or train from my place at that hour. I let him stay. That was Friday, 1st November.
On November 3rd, the same day Mwajuma was killed. I was preparing my children for bed and he was listening to his music at full blast. I didn’t want to get into trouble with the neighbours and my kids needed to go to bed anyways, so I asked him to reduce the volume. He got really mad and he hit my head against the wall. I was shocked.
I went into the bathroom an locked myself inside. How dare he. When I looked at my face on the mirror I couldn’t believe it. My head was swollen. I called the police.
The man looks so innocent you wouldn’t believe he would do such a thing. When the police came they even thought the attacker had left because they couldn’t believe such an innocent looking man could do such a thing. I explained that he was the one responsible for my swollen face. He was arrested and taken to the police station.
How dare he come and attack me when he had been the one who had lied to me? How could he attack me in my own house. I heard my son recently saying that he would do to his brother what Uncle had done to mommy.
He was released and is now calling my friends asking them to ask me to forgive me. According to the police, the process of taking a British army officer is different from that of a civilian. I’m going to talk to the police officers in-charge they promised to help me follow the correct process and give me further details.
I know most women would be ashamed to admit that a man beat them, but if this story will help someone, I don’t mind sharing. My family and friends are against it, I had posted the pictures of my face after the attack on Facebook but they told me to take them down. My step-father who is German called me in a panic when he heard about Mwajuma’s story because he thought it was me.
I might be down but I’m not out.
I want to tell other Kenyan women living in Germany who are living with such men who keep tormenting them, leave, your health is more important. Some women say they are staying until they get papers, but what need do you have of papers when you land in the mental hospital. I know many Kenyan women who are living with men who beat them daily, scaring them that they will return them to Kenya and others whose husbands make them sleep with animals. No woman should live in an abusive relationship. Leave the first time he abuses you before it becomes a habit. You have a right to happiness and mental freedom.
Here are help lines and emergency lines.
Domestic Violence Helpline for Women: 0800 0116016
Sexual Abuse against Children Helpline: 0800-2255530
„Nummer gegen Kummer“: 0800-1110550
Seelsorge (Someone to talk to, also offered in English): 0800/1110111 or 0800/1110222
Muslim Seelsorge: 030 44 35 09 821
Helpline for people with a drinking problem (Also in English): 01803 AAHELP or 01803 224 357
Find a Frauenhaus in your area: Frauenhauskoordinierung.de
Jugendämter in Germany: Jugendämter.com
Alcoholic Anonymous meeting in your area: AA Meetings