I’m a single Kenyan lady with a young daughter. I came to Germany 10 years ago for my studies and as the story goes, I never left. I’ve recently been having the urge to finally settle down and have a family, my last attempt didn’t go well, but I was determined to make it happen this time.
To get the project started, I needed to find Mr. Right. Knowing, he’s out there, I only needed to find him and what better way to do so than attend networking events? First stop, an expat event in my town and who would have thought I’d find what I was looking for on my first attempt? Second stop, a profile on Badoo, you got to keep your options open. Imagine when the same guy hit me up on both? This is what romance novels are based on.
He was my list impersonated. Everything I ever wanted, he was. Of course, I later noticed, he seemed to become everything I said I wanted. But who doesn’t want a guy who listens to you and offers what you ask for?
As a single parent, it was important that I found someone who accepted my child and was willing to include her in any plans we might have in starting a family. And this guy was all that and a bag of chips. When I had to work late, he would pick my daughter from the Kindergarten and make sure she’s taken care of until they would later come to pick me up from work. He would do the housework, take care of both my daughter and I.
When this got serious, we moved in together and even flew to his home country, he’s from Poland, to meet his family. We even planned a trip to Kenya for him to meet my family.
I noticed however, that he didn’t have any friends in Germany and his only contacts were his family in Poland. Then the weirdness started, he would regularly fly to Holland on mysterious trips that had nothing to do with his job, claiming he was visiting friends. Then he would go quiet until I look for him, then he’d eventually return to our shared apartment and continue, as if nothing had happened until the next incident. But upon his return, he would insist on having talks where he’d insist on talking about mistakes I’ve made in life and how those mistakes made me less than perfect. I’d brush them off, but sometimes he’d insist too much.
At the same time, my daughter started primary school and the teacher kept calling me to school complaining that my daughter was causing too much trouble in school. I tried to talk to her but she would never open up on why she was doing it. I was sure, there was something bothering her, but she never seemed to vocalise it. She started being abrasive whenever Mr. Man was around and she would never want to do anything with him anymore.
One day, I came home and found the guy had left. I couldn’t reach him, I tried to write to him on Whatsapp, but he had blocked me. I tried to call him, the phone wasn’t going through. By this time, I was tired of the whole madness and had decided this was it.
A couple of days later, I decided to let my daughter know that it was just the two of us from then on. I expected her to be distraught, but she seemed happy from it and kept asking, “Just the two of us? He’s never coming back?”
She was so excited, she started crying. Alarmed at her unexpected reaction, I asked her, “Why?”
“Because he hurt me,” she said.
I could slowly feel my blood rush to my brain and my heart started racing, the way she said it, I knew, I just knew what he had done. That explained his insistence in making me feel guilty about my past, his willingness to babysit, his disappearing acts, his unexplained trips to Holland.
Every time he had his way with my daughter, he would record the incident and would then take the material to Holland. According to the police who explained this to me once I reported the matter, Holland is notorious for its child pornography market. In fear that my daughter would confess, he would go under for days on end with no communication. When I’d reach out, he would know that my daughter hadn’t confessed, then he would make sure he bashed my self-esteem, to an extent I would think I was a bad mother and it was my fault he molested my daughter, if I ever found out.
After his last disappearing act, I never saw him or heard from him until I went to the police. Then his lawyer sent me a letter warning me to drop the charges, or he would sue me for defamation.
I noticed he had several Kenyan and African female friends on Facebook while we were still together, thinking back, I had noticed all those women had children. I hope this investigations opened a whole new can of worms. While we were together, he lost his job. I helped him register at the job agency and tried to find a new job. His former employer was later to tell the police that the guy, although he had applied for an Engineering position, did not seem to have even gone to High school, let alone University. A quick look at his certificates would reveal that they were fake.
Who is the guy? Are the guys I met in Poland even his relatives?
He remains at large, the police are still searching for him. Nobody knows where he is, but if my gut feeling is to be trusted, he’s probably living with his next victim.
Here are help lines and emergency lines, write them in bold letters and hang them on the Fridge, in the kitchen store, anywhere and everywhere where even children can see them.
Domestic Violence Helpline for Women: 0800 0116016
Sexual Abuse against Children Helpline: 0800-2255530
„Nummer gegen Kummer“: 0800-1110550
Seelsorge (Someone to talk to, also offered in English): 0800/1110111 or 0800/1110222
Muslim Seelsorge: 030 44 35 09 821
Helpline for people with a drinking problem (Also in English): 01803 AAHELP or 01803 224 357
Find a Frauenhaus in your area: Frauenhauskoordinierung.de
Jugendämter in Germany: Jugendämter.com
Alcoholic Anonymous meeting in your area: AA Meetings
Disclaimer: The names used are purely fictional. The stories are based on real events, though the chronology might differ from the actual event.
Real life stories column is here to open a platform for those in need of/seeking help. These are stories told by the “Victims” or by “ Victim’s very close relations or come from official and reliable sources. These stories are not meant to “ demonise” anyone or to put a “ stamp” of guilt on the persons involved, they are guidelines for everyone reading them and kindly spread them around to reach as many people as possible. We can and should make an attempt to reach out to someone in our midst. We must and should speak up! Most importantly note the help line numbers or centre names.